Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Honesty. Integrity. And a Crown.

I haven’t had the time to put this in writing until now, but on Monday as I read Proverbs 11, the truth that shone brightest to me is that God delights in honesty. Here I stand at a personal crossroads. And my crossroads is not a matter of decision-making. But rather, it’s a matter of the doors of my own desire being closed. The closed doors are breaking my heart. I want to use manipulation and tantrums to create my own way, but I know that if I can just manage to practice patient faith, God will open doors and windows in His own perfect time. Woven throughout the fabric of Proverbs 11, I’m seeing that honesty and integrity… right living… will lead to success. Manipulation and anger ultimately leads to failure.

Yesterday I dove into Proverbs 12…

A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband –verse 4. I sure don’t feel virtuous. I left my children to go to back to work. Albeit against my will, I have disarranged God’s natural order of a mommy being home with her small children. So this is one, I guess, that I have to wrap my head around. My prayer this week has been: “God, teach me how to be virtuous in this time in history. When Proverbs was written, the picture of a virtuous woman was painted as the lady hanging clothes on the line while her children ran around playing in the field. After that, she scrubbed the floors, baked bread, and taught her children Hebrew. Teach me to make this relevant to now. My present day. My 2010.” A crown to my husband. Sounds like the writer’s term for a trophy wife. Lol. I get it though. I need to work on being the kind of woman my husband is happy to have around. What husband feels rewarded when he is forced to put up with a bitchy wife? There is another verse in this same book which teaches that a screeching, nagging woman should be put in the attic. Lol. I hope he wouldn’t rather put me in the attic, but not only that... I want him to be pleased. Excited. And proud to have me around.

Verse 16 states that A fool's wrath is presently known: but a prudent man covers shame. I thought this was so interesting. I read Matthew Henry’s commentary on it which explains that “It is kindness to ourselves to make light of injuries and affronts, instead of making the worst of them.” I love this. It annoys me to no end to hear someone talk about an incident, exaggerating the details to make themselves appear the martyr. Lol. It must annoy God too.

But on a more serious note, I wonder how my grumblings look to my Creator. He loved me even before I was conceived. He has been with me for every moment of 37 years. He knows about every situation in which my heart was broken. He knows about every little inconvenience that has come into my life. He knows about every single blessing that has shaped who I am. And I am sure that when I complain, He must be thinking, “Really? She thinks THAT is so bad?!” This morning, I was in a hurry and had no time for coffee. It felt like a terrible start to my morning. Even my facebook status was “I’m in a bad mood today” and I blamed it on my lack of coffee. God must be laughing or He may even be disgusted with me. Then I hear about the earthquake in Haiti and my heart breaks. How can I think I have any room to complain?

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