missing pieces, expectation, and anticipation

I have this terribly annoying habit. And I'm sorry to say that people closest to me have probably witnessed it more than a few times.

As I was putting a puzzle together this week, an analogy hit me. Can you see that tiny little clothes line in the middle of the picture behind the corner of the barn? That piece there...well,  it really got me.  I became quickly convinced that it probably didn't even exist. The missing piece clearly wasn't on the table, so after searching under the table and all over the floor, I was sure the puzzle company left it out of the box. Well, dang. I was jipped! After silently whining over the missing puzzle piece for some time, I looked down and discovered it right there with a group of other peices in plain sight. {ahem.cough.}

This scenerio occurs many times in real life as well. OFTEN, actually. I place expectations on people or situations around me. At times, my expectations are even unreasonable. When something doesn't happen as fast or as easily as I expect, I assume that my situation must be broken or missing which leaves me in an internal panic. But if I could just sit back. And breathe. And trust. And take my hands off the table for a while,... then I might discover that all the pieces are truly there ~just waiting to be discovered in good time.

 

A couple weeks ago, my pastor talked about setting expectations on other human beings versus anticipating the promises of God. (podcast here) 

 

"expectations is the root of heartache"

 -Shakespeare

 

But the things promised to me by God will not leave me heartbroken. Simeon was the old gentleman in Luke 2 who was given a promise by the Spirit of God. The promise was that he would be able to see Jesus, the Messiah, before he died. I can only imagine that as each year passed, he wondered if he was being let down. Or would God really pull through for him? Would this anticipated event truly ever happen? How long would he have to wait? I wonder if he scrambled around, looking for a reason to complain that he had been jipped? I guess that's what I would have done. I do have much to learn...

 

 

Faith

You said open your eyes and

I said I don't like surprises
You said surprise you're up to your knees in the water and don't have a life vest
I know, I know, I know
But don't worry I've got it figured out
You said jump in the boat man
I said no you reach your hand
You said the storms that will come will be more than enough and alone you can not win
You know, You know, You know
With out hope you'll only sink not swim

And the current here is stronger now than I remember and I'm crying for you to help, Please save me.

You said whatever happens
Don't get caught in the rapids
Hold on I’m over the edge and I’m reaching for help cause I
Im caught in the deep end
I know, I know, I know
What you said but I’m in over my head
You said that I’m not alone here
I said throw me a rope then
I've had more then enough of the rain and the cold and I wanna give up and
I know, I know, I know
With out hope I'll only sink not swim

When I feel like I am drifting away
Sinking down, the sands are shifting today
I'm about to loose my way
You Anchor, Anchor me down
Looking out the skies are turning to grey
All around the tide is pulling away

Just about to loose my way
You Anchor, Anchor me down

 

~Satellites & Sirens

Failing Formulas

We hear lots of testimonials. Stories of rags to riches in business,  anecdotes of financial failures to success, testimonies of spiritual conversions from a life of destructive behavior toward healthy living,.... I think my story (so far) might fall under the category of "failing formulas."

Sounds bland enough. But, in my world, it's huge.

For 23 years I lived as though there was a formula for everything: "If you do A-B-C, the result will be X-Y-Z." If I followed the steps of 1-2-3, I'd have a successful education. If I do exactly these things, my marriage will be perfect. If I operate by a specific code of principles, my children will turn out right.  So I worked.  I obeyed the steps. I believed in the formulas. And I watched as others followed the same rules. But the principles failed me. The steps weren't infallible.  Heartache came regardless. And I watched as the formulas failed others.

In the following years, I gradually took a back seat to catch my breath and try to figure out the problem. I would be lying if I said I wasn't tempted to blame God. After all, the formulas I was taught... the principles I believed in... the code of conduct I followed... they were from Him. Weren't they? They were the rules I was taught at church. They were the thou shalt's and shall not's I thought I saw in the Bible. Weren't they direct promises from God? So... did He fail me? Or did the church fail me? Or was I simply misled? I'd operated under the principles of A-B-C. But X-Y-Z didn't happen. Why not? Maybe God didn't fail me. Maybe I just didn't try hard enough. Is that it? These were the questions that floated around in my head for some time. Years actually.

Then one day I learned a phenomenal concept: It's not about me at all. I spent years focusing on myself and how I could please God enough to gain some reward. I lived so long thinking that His pleasure or displeasure in  me was measured by a positive or negative outcome. I spent a lot of time thinking so little of myself that I was trying, trying, trying to follow a formula to get somewhere with God. I know it sounds like a paradox: focused on myself and yet thinking so little of myself. But the crux of the matter is this: I'd misunderstood God. I didn't realize that He was the only  doer that mattered. Furthermore, I didn't realize that His doing is what made me already complete. So all I needed to do was to BE. God made the world. He created mankind. He did His thing. And He continues to do His thing. He doesn't need me. But He welcomes me to fall into step with what He's already doing. He wants me to just be.

I can easily wrap my mind around a 5-step process toward success. Just tell me what to do. Give me a formula.   I can follow a religious structure. I can do church. I did that for years. I can do a style of clothing. I did it for years. I can do a brand of speech. All the right words and ism's... Again, I did it for years. I can do a formula in hopes of promised success. That's how I think. It makes so much sense to me.

Aren't many of us like this? We want to control instead of trust. We don't take a step unless we can see where we're going. We follow neat little formulas while saying, "this will keep me safe." It's taken me years to embrace that God is already doing His thing. And to trust that God is God and that He is the Doer and that all I have to do is to be. Yeah, this is tough. And liberating. And exciting. And scary. It takes an awful lot of faith. And letting go. Just to be.

I read this quote on facebook a few times recently and so now I have it on a post-it note on my desk at work to remind me what matters. I have no idea who to contribute this to. I suppose google would tell me if I looked it up....

"Be more concerned with your character than with your reputation,

because your character is what you really are

while your reputation is merely what others think you are."

The Serving Leader

So I just finished reading a fantastic book called The Serving Leader. This is unlike any business book I've read to date. The writer labels the technique of a servant leader as a paradox.  It's an anti dog-eat-dog culture. A servant leader is not concerned about his own persona of excellence and he habitually gives credit to others. The servant leader realizes that he qualifies to be first by putting other people first. He protects his own value by giving it all away.

I started working with this new company a little over a month ago called RAC Acceptance. The atmosphere I have experienced with them is one that has been completely foreign to me. It's energizing and positive and the management displays a sincere desire to see their employees thrive and succeed. I've been impressed although I haven't been able to quite put my finger on the driving force behind the unique personality of this business. Since the first day of my hire, I've made it known that I am gunning for a promotion toward managing my own site at the first available opportunity. I know this sounds like a "fat chance" situation (for anytime soon) since I only joined the company 6 weeks ago, but I do believe it is attainable. Soon. My district manager has been kind enough to come up with a developement plan for me in order to guide me toward my goal of management. And one of his assignments was to read The Serving Leader which he describes as the mascot book of RAC Acceptance. As I read the book, pieces mentally fell into place as I began to understand the guiding principles of my wonderful employer/s.

It's been humbling for me to rearrange the furniture in my brain so that I could comprehend this upside-down stradegy toward success. Typically, a management system portrait will demonstrate a pyramid with the big boss-man on top and the diligent little worker bees on the bottom. However, the authors of this Servant-Leader system draws an entirely different picture. The method taught here is "upending the pyramid". Turn the thing upside down as you check your ego at the door. The basic outline is as such:

• Upend the pyramid. Always remember that you qualify to be first as your put other people first. You are in charge principally to charge-up others. *I am not in charge so much as I am committed to whatever causes my followers to get charged.* Charge others up. Again, get your ego out of the way so that you can build up others. This builds self-esteem in others which invests in their personal growth, resulting in success. This causes genuine, confident teamwork. And love.
• Raise the bar.  Be picky. Choose and stick with high standards. Continually raise the bar in order to raise the expectations for performance. The biblical account of Jesus Christ and His 12 apostles is used to illustrate this point. Jesus had tons of followers, but He took a handful (12) to completely invest in, teach, and prepare them to do the same with others. To serve many, you first serve the few.  And it's about removing the obstacles of followers. Educating them. Executives and managers must become better teachers in order to drive the success of their employees. The more you teach people to not need you, the greater your value. Woah... I'm still thinking about that one. I'm removing my career hat for a minute and donning my mommy hat: "Teach them to not need me?" Hmmm... Okay, back on topic: To protect your value, you must give it away. "If you want to hang onto your value, give everything away that you have." And it's about the multiplication of excellence. Human nature is to try to live up to what is expected of you. "What kind of service is it to deny a person the challenge to become really terrific?... the best way to reach down to someone is to give them a challenging reason to reach up."

This must be done in balance, though. I know of an organization who takes pride in setting unattainable goals in order to force their employees to try hard enough that, although they didn't quite reach the company standard, they [allegedly] did better than they would have if given a slightly lower goal. The justification for this was "if I ask you to write 10 accounts and you only write 7 because it is impossible to write 10, this is wonderful because if I only ask you to write 7, you will probably only write 5 because it is human nature to operate this way." This defeating mentality really beats up the employees and keeps the morale at a low.

 "The best way to reach down to someone is to give them a challenging reason to reach up." Once again, I have to switch hats.... What if we treated each other this way in our everyday lives as well? What if the businessman treated the beggar this way? What if I treat my children this way? What if our church treated the needy this way? What if the government treated the under-educated, under-motivated this way? I wonder...? Okay, back on topic again.

• Blaze the trail. Get to know the organization (or your family or your community -or whatever your object of focus might be) by making it your focal point of prayer. Yes, that's what I said. Prayer. A challenge given in the book is to pray daily for the focal organization. By targeting that organization with prayer, it will be natural to know every breath of the organization. Investigate its finer ins and outs. Get to know the company intimately.
• Build on strengths. We've taken "personality" tests for work and "love-language" tests for our relationships and the "strengths" tests for ministry endeavors. These tests all show us one thing: We each have our own individual set of strengths and weaenesses. Rather than focusing on the weaknesses of others (and ourselves), focus on the strengths. Use the strengths to build on. And, in so doing, we need to adopt a fresh set of eyes. You can't build on strengths if all you see is weakness.

"Lone Star" is an oxymoron. If a star is alone, it can't shine.

• Run to great purpose. I'm noting this last although it is illustrated as the foundation of the servant leader method. (Refer to the upended pyramid.) This is the glue that holds the entire system together. Serving leaders articulate a purpose so compelling that people are willing to run toward it. The story of Nehemiah in the Old Testament is used to illustrate how a senior executive encouraged his people toward greatness in order to complete the daunting task of rebuilding the walls and gates of the city of Jerusalem. Nehemiah knew the solution to his great purpose would require everyone's best strength. He brought everyone together one day after receiving his command and provided the people with a purpose and a challenge to restore Jerusalem to its former glory. He divided the work among families according to where they lived along the destroyed walls and then he "upended" the pyramid by investing in them, helping them to succeded at their great task. Soon, critics came out, threatening the workers. But Nehemiah offered physical and spiritual protection to keep them safe and successful. Nehemiah's work ended up a huge success because his workers ran with great purpose and this purpose had completely captured their hearts.

No, purpose isn't the final point. It's the first point. The purpose has to be bigger than the people involved... Self-interest is what drives most corporations. But it isn't really the answer that delivers and it isn't the answer that truly satisfies.

Like I said, I'm rearranging the furniture in my brain right now. I attended an assistant managers meeting last month -my first one- and the quesstion was asked, "What drives you? What motivates you?" My answer was "The potential to succeed, move up the ladder, and bring home more money." But now I realize I was looking at this thing upside down. Typical board room answers: "to get a promotion" and "to get a bigger salary" and " to win the boss's job"... those are empty, self-interest answers. The great purpose, though... This pulls the entire serving leader technique into focus: "Making a difference in others is the whole point in our lives. It is the great purpose that gives us everything we need to run the best race we can. In addition, my faith keeps me in mind of the fact that my life doesn't belong to me. My living needs to serve a purpose bigger than myself."

1. bring great purpose to the table.
2. turn your leadership into service to your workers.
3. hold high expectations.
4. make sure your team has what it needs in training and resources and clear running ground.
5. maximize the strengths your have.

"Live [your purpose] out very personally, or set priciples in motion at a large corporate level. let it bring deep private meaning to your life and to your family, or let it produce great public value... Or, better yet, do both."

In conclusion, serving leadership requires deep humility and a willingness to pour yourself into the life of others. Allow yourself to be nurtured for a great purpose by something bigger than yourself. Also to note: We all have mistakes in our past. We all have those skeletons. But what we do with them is the issue. We are each faced with 3 choices:

1. Pretend that everything is okay. This requires putting on a front for people. Acting. Or, simply making excuses for our meaningless lives. This is how you become a smaller person. Just remember that this choice causes you to be justified in your own mind, but useless to anyone else.
2. Destroy yourself with lament and self-incrimination. (Boy, I've been there. And recently!) Thinking that you've wasted too much time and that there is no way to get back on track. No second chances. I believe this might be the common fundamental, crippling struggle for many of us.
3. Ask to be forgiven. Own up to your mistakes. Then seize your future with all you've got.

Again, I say this was a great read! I have so many books on my "to read" list. So when I first checked this one out, I thought I'd rather be reading a book on say,... parenting. But now that I've read it, well... I kinda think I did. And relationships. And true christianity. And community. And loving others. And teamwork. And business management.

The Story of Life

The answer to the question, "Who am I?" can only be given if we ask "What is my story?" and that can only be answered if there is an answer to the further question, "What is the whole story of which my story is a part?" ~Leslie Newbigin

The big story... God's story... is one that we are privileged with being a part of. Once we get on board with the idea that we are a part if His story and then sit back and review what our individual stories are, it's pretty neat to think about who we are and how to live ON PURPOSE. Rather than just wandering through life, I want to see where God is working and throw myself in there to be a part of it. On purpose. The above quote is from a study I just finished up. It sounds deep on paper, but it's really simplistic when I realize this life is all about God and what He's doing and not about ME and what I can do to impress Him or gain His acceptance. It's freeing actually!

Making My Dash Count. Living On Purpose.

On every headstone is the engraving of two sets of 4-digit numbers separated by a hyphen that will one day rest at the end of each of our names. That little dash between the dates of our birth and the dates of our death is the same dash that separates humanity’s powerful lives from its ordinary. It’s easy to sit back and coast through this journey, allowing mediocrity to make its home in our dash. To kind-of ride on the coattails of others. Afterall, we are surrounded by plenty of people who are generous, kind, and live their lives out loud. So why shouldn’t I just settle for sitting in my comfy little self-centered life? In the past two and a half years, I’ve attended the funerals of four extraordinary individuals.

My Grandpa Reed… his name was Russ. Russell Max died in May, 2008. Grandpa was a hard-working, generous, jovial man who left no doubt of his love for his friends and family. When I smell cigars I am left with cozy memories of him. =) He was my grandpa, so I already knew what a wonderful person he was, but when I attended his memorial service, my eyes were opened to what a huge impact his single life had on the people he was in contact with.

My Grandma Dye… her name was Jean. Lola Jean died in March, 2009. Grandma was such a lady. Even as she lay in pain, dying, she indicated several times how important it was to her that my grandpa was dressed properly for her funeral. She spelled out what she wanted him to wear. She gave details on what she, herself, wanted to be buried in, and she asked that special care would be given in picking out her casket so that it would match her dress just right. One of the last things I heard from her was, “Yes… I’m going out in style!” My grandma’s dash is a beautiful one. She lived a life of beauty and service to others. Not only was she a lovely woman on the outside. She was also a beautiful woman on the inside. Grandma was very generous. Selfless. She opened her home to all kinds of people: orphans, troubled teenagers and missionaries.

My mother-in-law… her name was DeeDee. Diana McKinney died in June, 2010. DeeDee was a generous woman. She would give her last penny to help someone in need. She literally kept herself poor by giving to others. DeeDee lived a life of sacrifice for my children (her grandchildren) too… She worked difficult shifts and long hours and still managed to squeeze in lots of time to make memories with Emily, Reed, and Nelson ~at the cost, even, of losing sleep for the day.

My Grandma Reed... Her name was Shirley. Shirley Lois died in December, 2010. I will never forget the phrase my grandma repeated time and time again when I was a little girl: “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” ~A line from the Bambi story. And a wise piece of advice! Something else I heard her say often was, “Well, at least when I’m gone, you’ll know I tried.” This sentence played into many contexts but ultimately, I knew what she meant: “Please know that I did what I knew was right.”

Those were 4 extraordinary people who had lived their lives on purpose, touching hundreds of people along their journey, making their dash count. So, I wonder if that dash between the dates of my existence will just be a plain old hyphen or will it symbolize a lifetime of significance to others? Will the dates on my headstone promote memories of selflessness, laughter, generosity and friendships? Will my dash serve as evidence that I one day made a choice to not settle for mediocrity? Am I leaving a legacy of purpose to my children and this little corner of earth around me? Or will that inscription just be another set of dates divided by a hyphen… a mere notification of existence?

I personally don’t want to ride on the coat-tails of others. I don’t want to mooch off of the energy of others. I want my life to count for more than self-seeking gain and self-interested profit. I don’t want that dash between my date of birth and my date of death to serve as an insignificant symbol between two insignificant dates.

Donna Jean (Reed) Moore

1973-20??

That dash can be a powerful significance, limited only by the two dates that surround it. So here I start… living on purpose… living out loud… to make my dash count.

Grandma Dye

Grandpa and Grandma Reed

DeeDee