Failing Formulas

We hear lots of testimonials. Stories of rags to riches in business,  anecdotes of financial failures to success, testimonies of spiritual conversions from a life of destructive behavior toward healthy living,.... I think my story (so far) might fall under the category of "failing formulas."

Sounds bland enough. But, in my world, it's huge.

For 23 years I lived as though there was a formula for everything: "If you do A-B-C, the result will be X-Y-Z." If I followed the steps of 1-2-3, I'd have a successful education. If I do exactly these things, my marriage will be perfect. If I operate by a specific code of principles, my children will turn out right.  So I worked.  I obeyed the steps. I believed in the formulas. And I watched as others followed the same rules. But the principles failed me. The steps weren't infallible.  Heartache came regardless. And I watched as the formulas failed others.

In the following years, I gradually took a back seat to catch my breath and try to figure out the problem. I would be lying if I said I wasn't tempted to blame God. After all, the formulas I was taught... the principles I believed in... the code of conduct I followed... they were from Him. Weren't they? They were the rules I was taught at church. They were the thou shalt's and shall not's I thought I saw in the Bible. Weren't they direct promises from God? So... did He fail me? Or did the church fail me? Or was I simply misled? I'd operated under the principles of A-B-C. But X-Y-Z didn't happen. Why not? Maybe God didn't fail me. Maybe I just didn't try hard enough. Is that it? These were the questions that floated around in my head for some time. Years actually.

Then one day I learned a phenomenal concept: It's not about me at all. I spent years focusing on myself and how I could please God enough to gain some reward. I lived so long thinking that His pleasure or displeasure in  me was measured by a positive or negative outcome. I spent a lot of time thinking so little of myself that I was trying, trying, trying to follow a formula to get somewhere with God. I know it sounds like a paradox: focused on myself and yet thinking so little of myself. But the crux of the matter is this: I'd misunderstood God. I didn't realize that He was the only  doer that mattered. Furthermore, I didn't realize that His doing is what made me already complete. So all I needed to do was to BE. God made the world. He created mankind. He did His thing. And He continues to do His thing. He doesn't need me. But He welcomes me to fall into step with what He's already doing. He wants me to just be.

I can easily wrap my mind around a 5-step process toward success. Just tell me what to do. Give me a formula.   I can follow a religious structure. I can do church. I did that for years. I can do a style of clothing. I did it for years. I can do a brand of speech. All the right words and ism's... Again, I did it for years. I can do a formula in hopes of promised success. That's how I think. It makes so much sense to me.

Aren't many of us like this? We want to control instead of trust. We don't take a step unless we can see where we're going. We follow neat little formulas while saying, "this will keep me safe." It's taken me years to embrace that God is already doing His thing. And to trust that God is God and that He is the Doer and that all I have to do is to be. Yeah, this is tough. And liberating. And exciting. And scary. It takes an awful lot of faith. And letting go. Just to be.

thriving outside of a religious noose PART #2

To read "Thriving Outside Of A Religious Noose"

in order, you will want to start at my

March 13, 2011 post and scroll up.

FREEDOM. There is nothing like it. There is liberty in resting on the other side of a cult. But how do we get out? How do we get here? I’ve seen it happen in a variety of ways:

Leave. Yes, it feels like rebellion. And, unless you can shed the mind control, I’ve seen this lead to destructive, fear-filled, agnostic, or even atheistic living. The misuse of the Bible has these people confusing God with the very thing that is hurting them. Some people may think they didn’t measure up to this organization’s requirements, so they must be less than desirable to God.

Get kicked out… Or, as the religious like to call it: shunning. The one being shunned obviously has not mentally or emotionally yielded properly to the brainwashing of the organization. Being shunned can cause great guilt (and grief) do to the fact that, being a minority in the situation, you’re made to believe that the situation is your fault.

Burn out... Have you ever felt so used up that you’re hardly able to function? In this situation, symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and Reactive Attachment Disorders have been known to overwhelm the victim.

Discovery… You stumble upon information that disproves everything you thought you believed and trusted in. You catch a leader telling a lie. Or maybe it’s just an exaggeration. Or twisting the truth to accommodate his point. And then it happens again. And then again. After a few incidents, it dawns on you that you have been dedicated to a foundation of lies. Yes, some of the teaching are true. (Remember: every cult begins with a seed of truth.) But the FOUNDATION is lies. Harmful, controlling lies. To the person who finds out that they have been following lies, well… their world has been rocked to its core. It will take time. Lots of time. To wade through the mess to find the Truth.

Wise, loving counsel… I’m not sure this is very common. But there are those people who have been counseled by concerned individuals… people who saw the damage that was being done and spoke up. In many cases, the person receiving the counsel is so caught up in their lifestyle that they cannot see the harm. Since the person giving the counsel is “from the outside”, they are viewed as a heretic or a liberal or worldly, or what-have-you.

I think that no matter how you leave, reality is going to be a difficult grasp. Maybe for some people, it is easier to fall into a normal lifestyle without feeling tremendous guilt. But for some, they are leaving the only culture they knew to try to fit into a normal America. If you’ve not been a part of a separated organization, you will not relate to the cultural and social issues I’m referring to. Your reality is standard to you. But to those coming out of a religious sect, reality can be a little foggy. I personally go through cycles of life where I have this tremendous drive to study, study, study… Figure out what the Truth is on a few particular issues. Then I land there and rest for a while. Basking in the reality of my freedom. Then, the cycle hits again triggered by family issues, my child’s question, a reconnection with someone from my old life, or a particular sermon heard at church. And then I find myself driven to study, study, study again. And so then I can, once again, rest in the fact that no matter how terribly I’ve messed up, GOD LOVES ME. And I so here I rest until the next cycle hits. Surely I’m not all alone in this???