thriving outside of a religious noose PART #1

My Stand Against IBLP
A Religious Cult.


I’d like to dedicate this post to my parents who sowed seeds in me to dig deep, question life, and dare to go against the flow when it counts. I LOVE YOU, Mom and Dad.

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“I THINK A PERSON WHO HAS NEVER LIVED IN A DICTATORSHIP CAN’T UNDERSTAND THE POWER OF PROPAGANDA. IF YOU JUST HEAR ALWAYS THE SAME… IF YOU ALWAYS READ THE SAME… AND IF YOU HAVE VERY FEW POSSIBILITIES OF OTHER INFORMATION, THEN YOU BECOME VERY IMPRESSED BY THE THINGS YOU ARE TOLD, AND IT IS VERY DIFFICULT TO MAKE UP YOUR OWN MIND AND BE CRITICAL.” Edwald von Kleist (anti-Hitler conspirator)

When I was a child, our family became involved in the Institute in Basic Youth Conflicts (IBYC) which was later changed to the Institute in Basic Life Principles (IBLP). In 1986, we joined its Advanced Training Institute (ATI) and the lifestyle that came with it (homeschooling, social separation, etcetera). Beginning at the age of 16, I spent time at a variety of seminars as well as the Institute Headquarters. At 18 and 19, I was in Russia with the ATI program. And then in 1993 I moved to the Indianapolis Training Center until the summer of 1996 when I reached an impasse in the road, ending my days with IBLP. The older I grew and the more “inside dynamics” I witnessed with the Institute, the more unsettled I became. Instead of looking to God’s Word for the answer to life’s questions, I saw more and more that the answer became “whatever is opposite to the rest of the world or society.” And then Scripture was used to “back it up”. For the most part, I overlooked the issues. They really seemed small at the time. And back then, I even considered that my own reasoning might be off-balance. However, throughout the past 15 years as I’ve grown older and began a family of my own, some of those “little issues”, as well as a few glaring ones, have driven me to go back to square one, so to speak. And during this process, I’ve come to realize that even the aforementioned “little issues” are actually symptoms of the misuse of Scripture.

“WHAT A PERSON COMES TO BELIEVE DOCTRINALLY WILL INEVITABLY MOLD OR A LEAST INFLUENCE HIS OR HER WORLD VIEW, ATTITUDES, AND BEHAVIOR –WHETHER IN A POSITIVE, WHOLESOME WAY OR IN A NEGATIVE, DESTRUCTIVE WAY…” -Dr. Ron Rhodes

Before you read any further, I do want to clarify my belief that a majority of the families involved in the IBLP and ATI movement were/are well-meaning, God-desiring families simply looking for answers. Bill Gothard was at the right place at the right time… “IN THE MIDDLE OF ALL THE UPHEAVAL AND RAPID CHANGE THAT CHARACTERIZED THE 60’S AND EARLY 70’S, FEARFUL PARENTS JUST TRYING TO RAISE DECENT AND SUCCESSFUL CHILDREN WERE DESPERATE FOR DIRECTION. RIGHT ON TIME A MAN WITH A PLAN CAME ALONG. THERE GOTHARD STOOD –CONFIDENTLY HOLDING OUT ONE SIMPLE WORD AS THE CENTER OF HIS WORLD VIEW: AUTHORITY… TO THE CHURCH-GOING, GOD-FEARING, AND TERRIFIED PARENTS AND GRANDPARENTS OF THE 60’S AND 70’S, HE APPEARED TO BE A GODSEND ARMED WITH OVERHEADS AND THREE-RING BINDERS.” (-statement by Don Veinot) In many people’s minds, Dr. Spock’s philosophies on child-rearing (i.e. permissive parenting, anti-spanking,…) were blamed for a pendulum swing bringing up a whole generation of spoiled, narcissistic brats. (And, yes, I tend to agree.) This caused many parents to seek out a new kind of “expert”: Bill Gothard. Gothard presented himself and his material as the answer to the problem of youth conflicts. So, even though I will strongly point out Gothard’s principles and definitions as extra-Biblical, heretical, and even cultic, I do believe that many of his followers were/are well-meaning Christians who set out to properly protect and spiritually instruct their children. My prayer is that as you read the following, you will not sense ugly resentment in my tone, but merely a desire to point out the lies taught by Bill Gothard and IBLP.

---LEGALISM---LEGALISM---LEGALISM---LEGALISM ---

“FUNDAMENTALIST CHRISTIANS [HAVE] BECOME MORE DEFINED BY PARTICULAR SET OF DO’S AND DON’TS THAN BY ANSWERING THE “WHATS” AND “WHYS” OF THEIR BELIEFS… THE ANTI-INTELLECTUAL FAITH OF THE CHRISTIAN COMMUNITY HAD REDUCED IT PRACTICAL DISTINCTIVES INTO A SET OF DRESS AND BEHAVIORAL CODES… THESE ISSUES (DRESS, HAIR, MOVIES, BEHAVIOR, MUSIC, DRINKING,…) ARE PRIMARILY EXTERNAL AND REPRESENT A VERY SUB-CULTURAL, AMERICANIZED FORM OF CHRISTIANITY. THE BIBLICAL TEACHING THAT A CHRISTIAN SHOULD BE SALT AND LIGHT IN A DARK WORLD HAD LARGELY BEEN ERODED FROM THE FAITH” (-Don Veinot)

Bill Gothard has created a “fence” of unnecessary, extra biblical laws around Biblical laws. I call this legalism. Legalism has been described as being like paralysis which deadens spiritual nerve endings and softens spiritual muscle. As seen in many IBLP churches in ATI families, they ended up doing less and less out of love for others and requiring more and more from them. Bill has recently stated that accusing IBLP of legalism is illegitimate because the word can’t be found in the Bible. Ha, ha… If we only used words from the Bible, we would all be speaking Hebrew and Greek! (If you remember, he once taught against “legalism” in his “Instructions for Our Most Important Battle” although he will not recognize it in himself. Crazy.) Matthew 23:4 “For they bind heavy burdens, and grievous to be borne and lay them on men’s shoulders; but they themselves will not move them with one of their fingers.” (“They” = the Pharisees) The idea of “the more laws you set up for yourself, the easier it is to keep from sinning” causes hypocritical compliance crushed under the strain of so many do’s and don’ts. (Unfortunately, I can attest to this.)

I’ve been hearing a lot lately that the red notebooks are referred to by some as a kind of “Evangelical Talmud”. The Talmud is the thousands of pages of rules set up by Jewish legalists to keep people safe from sinning. (I’d forgotten about this myself, so I had to look it up.) Matthew 11:28-30. I am grateful to be no longer be crushed by this system. I’ve find peace in my freedom in Jesus Christ!

A problem with Bill’s extra-Biblical principles is that what may be set up as appropriate for him has been imposed on others as non-optional. With his system, he created an “us versus them” mentality among the church. Another gospel had been created. A gospel of moralism –regulating the morals of others to cure the issues of the world. The problem with moralism is that it can be alluring and yet it is incapable of truly dealing with sin. In Romans 2:1-16, Peter points out that moralism neglects to offer a pardon for sin or an answer to the power that sin’s pull has on us. Yes, laws and morals define how we ought to live our lives. But they have no power in assisting us to fulfilling them. Biblical righteousness is motivated by our love for God –not by our tie to a law.

---GRACE---GRACE---GRACE---GRACE---GRACE---GRACE---

Gothard teaches that “In the Old Testament, those who found grace possessed qualities that MERITED God’s favor.” He uses Philippians 2:13 to explain his extra-biblical definition of grace as being “the desire and the power to do God’s will.” His teaching limited “grace” to the realm of sanctification while excluding justification. (God’s declaration of sinners being righteous in Christ.)

I will never forget the first time I heard Mr. Gothard state that “unmerited favor” is a faulty definition of grace. As a teenager, I heard a song performed by a southern gospel group: “There’s no other word for His grace, but amazing. No other explanation will do. Unmerited favor, this song that I sing! There’s no other word for His grace but amazing!” and as I heard that song, I thought, “What misguided singers! They don’t know what grace really is.” How could I have been so naïve to allow a man to minimize my understanding of the definition of God’s grace?

Bill Gothard’s first step in redefining grace was to look up the New Testament word “graciousness” which is abbreviated as “charis” in the Greek language. “Charis” means, in part (the part that Bill utilizes) “the divine influence upon the heart, and its reflection in the life; including gratitude, joy, and liberty.”

He used this partial definition of graciousness to define and apply every usage of the word grace in the Bible. Romans 11:6: “And if by grace, it is not of works, otherwise grace is no more of grace.”

Gothard removes the emphasis on the unmerited gift of God and replaces it with an emphasis on one kind of gift from God and how we are to utilize this gift, earning His favor. In his “Definition of Grace”, he states that “the grace of comes by Jesus Christ is an active, dynamic, energy from God to carry out his will.”

Yes, God in His grace gives is the power to carry out His will. But this cannot limit our understanding of the definition. This power is just one aspect. (Ephesians 2:8-9) This power is freely given by God. Never earned. As with his other teachings, Bill Gothard bends “grace”, leading people back to a set of rules, thus making his followers stuck in this self-defeating cycle: Get grace to keep the law in order to earn more grace to keep law so that you can earn more grace in order to keep from sin,…

Bill Gothard will state that Salvation cannot be earned. This statement preserves his standing in the evangelical Christian community. However, his re-definition of grace, in my opinion, cancels out his understanding of free salvation and undeserved justification.

Catholicism teaches that initial grace is free –or unmerited. But after that, we accumulate “merits” to continue the grace-receiving cycle. Sound familiar? In page 3 of Bill’s “Definition of Grace”, he states “…initial grace is a free gift of God and growth in grace is a process after salvation.” Bill sneakily markets himself as evangelical although his teachings are far from evangelical.

Obviously we believers grow in grace as noted in the Bible. We grow in GRACE, though. Not the law. Not by works do we grow INTO grace. Not by graciously complying with anti-societal rules, regulations, and “principles” compiled to earn favor with God. In order to grow in grace, we apply Matthew 7:8-9. Ask seek, and find this beautiful gift. Romans 4:4-5 –forget about “earning” or “meriting” this gift. It’s free!

For those who struggle with sin, temptations, habits and addictions, instead of depending on lists of man made rules and regulations that will find you, reminding you of your weakness let’s rest our hopes on simple prayer and the promises of God’s Word. We have a generous Heavenly Father Who longs to throw His grace at us –free of charge. And this grace, unmerited and unearned, continued to grow in us, changing us, transforming our lives. This is the cycle of grace. Unaltered, undefined, UNMERITED, unearned, free grace! =)

In his redefining of grace, Bill has laid a foundation (on the basis that it’s earned) which leads to a cycle of never-ending bondage to performance. He’s laid a foundation portraying merited grace ending with the teaching that Christians can’t handle freedom. The common thread throughout his ministry is that God is our harsh judge. I spent many years under this understanding. I neglected to see God as a loving Father because I was too consumed with wondering if I’d failed God. My heart was heavy, weary and rule-burdened under the weight of pleasing Him. Only in recent years has it occurred to me that God is not the kind of Father who lays down a list of moral demands. This changed me from feeling like a slave of the law, fearing the wrath of a ruthless Judge because I may have missed a rule or two to recognizing that I’m a sanctified, free child of God.

Galatians 2:4-5 “And that because of false brethren unawares brought in, who came in privately to spy out our liberty which we have in Jesus Christ, that they might bring us into bondage; To whom we gave place by subjection, no not for an hour; that the truth of the Gospel might continue with you.” The believer who enjoys liberty experiences true worship –praise from a heart toward God. The believer who lives by a list of rules will praise (and defend) the one who wrote that list. Bill Gothard followers are distracted from proper devotion to Jesus. Gothard once said (on a trip to Russia) that “Christians can’t handle freedoms”. This is why his supporters are so vehemently defensive of him. Their object of praise has been distracted.

---PROOF TEXTING---PROOF TEXTING---PROOF TEXTING---

I’m learning a little about this technique called “proof texting” which is commonly used by cults. Scripture is quoted and used to be a “hook” to lure in the listeners’ attention toward a point of view. An eager audience will not recognize the misuse of God’s Word but will accept it readily as valid proof.

Here is another example of proof texting: Using Matthew 6:25-28, Bill Gothard teaches about accepting our “unchangeable” features. Before listening to Mr. Gothard teach on this passage, I thought this was Jesus telling us that He will take care of us and we have nothing to worry about. Worry cannot change our situation in life, so give it to him! Now that I am out of the institute’s influence, I realize that trust IS what Jesus was teaching us! That Scripture is not telling us that it’s a sin to dye your hair or get a tan. (Which is how Bill interprets “adding one cubit to your stature”.) These things are not an act of faithlessness which might hinder my favor with God. But trust God. Trust Him to take care of the tiniest details of my life because I am so very precious to Him.

---CHOICES---CHOICES---CHOICES---CHOICES---CHOICES---

In Wisdom Booklets and in other manuscripts, Bill teaches that every choice -no matter how trite- is “good” or “evil”. He teaches that “gray areas” indicate a presence of evil because gray is a mixture of light and dark. He teaches that people who believe in “gray areas” operate on a failure to distinguish right from wrong. In the Wisdom Booklet, an example of this is the choice between wearing a clip tie and a long tie. Gothard explains that the gentleman choosing the clip tie made the correct choice that day because he ended up in a battle with a crook who could have strangled him with his tie. In all actuality, the moral decision wasn’t “hmm… what do I wear today?” It was “hmmm… should I obey dress code today and wear the standard-issue tie as mandated by my employer?”  (He was a police officer, by the way.) Obedience was the issue. Not what to wear! We often heard that even the color of the carpet was a moral issue to him. The fact that I don’t believe the choosing of a carpet color doesn’t mean that I don’t know the difference between good and evil. It means that even though I know it’s morally wrong to STEAL the carpet, I believe that the choice of color is a non-moral issue.

---AUTHORITY---AUTHORITY---AUTHORITY---AUTHORITY---

Hebrews 13:17 “Obey them that have rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief; for that is unprofitable for you.” Using this verse, and not unlike the Jehovah’s Witness movement, Gothard teaches that the kingdom of heaven operates like the Roman Empire. High-powered control freaks at the top force those under them to unquestioningly conform. Mr. Gothard supports the teaching that parents are placed above children with no accountability –except that of God. Therefore, they can interpret anything as being a directive of God!

Bill Gothard’s view of authority is the groundwork for many of his other teachings. (This is a BIG DEAL.) I Samuel 15:23 “Rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft.” Gothard takes this Scripture a step further and teaches that rebellion equals witchcraft. He uses this to “prove” that when we are out from under an umbrella of authority (or, umbrella of protection) we are subject to satanic attack. My old red Basic Seminar textbook states that we will be “subject to unnecessary temptations that are too strong to overcome”. In conclusion, Gothard is teaching that all rebellion is evil which equals “all submission is righteous.” Sounds good and spiritual enough, but that Scripture (like many others) has been misused. Time and time again, his talent of misusing Scripture for his purpose reminds me of a slight-of-hand act. As with his other principles, Bill grasps to prove a point. But Christian society was so ready and relieved for an answer, that parents and grandparents and youth directors overlooked the Bible’s repeated misuse. Why couldn’t we just go to Paul’s teaching on authority I Romans 13:3-4 and Genesis 9 to point out the social ramifications of rebellion? Why add to it a mystical twist?

For too long, I listened to a particular preacher rant and rave that social drinking is sinful –only to “prove this" with Bible verses that dealt specifically with the sin of drunkenness. I’ve become weary of the misuse of Scripture. Very, very weary.

Luke 2:48-2. Gothard teaches that Jesus struggled with whether to obey His parents or to “be about His Father’s business”. He decided on the latter. If you read the passage at face value, it illustrates Jesus’ recognition of His identity as the Savior, the Son of God. But Gothard twists it to display an internal conflict of whether or not to obey the parental authority of his earthly parents. This fits Bill Gothard’s system… he twisted Scripture to fit his purposes. The inner conflict was in Joseph and Mary, not Jesus! (Read it. They lost their kid!!!) Once again, slight-of-hand at work. The work of an illusionist. If Jesus was truly inwardly conflicted, He displayed rebellion by staying back in the temple, but we know Jesus was sinless. Gothard invented a meaning that opposes the passage’s point –that Jesus is the Son of God, the Messiah. In other areas of the Bible, we are told that Jesus was completely without sin. So, you do the math. =)

Submission, proper submission, is taught in Romans 13:1, Titus 3:1, I Peter 2:13, and Ephesians 5. Mr. Gothard liked to use Mark 10:42-44 “…greatest shall be servant…” which is to teach us that the more of a leader someone becomes, the more accountable they need to become. Bill Gothard applied this passage, though, by donning his primitive, navy polyester suit and having his staff girls (myself included) on their hands and knees, scrubbing carpets while international delegates walked through our lobbies.

---TOTALISM---TOTALISM---TOTALISM---TOTALISM---TOTALISM---

Gothard teaches that obedience to leaders must happen without question. Conformity is key. Uniformity is mistaken for unity. Legalism nixes any chance for individuality and independent thinking. In such an environment, when Bill Gothard goes off on one of his crazy ideals, and you’re tempted to laugh at the preposterous nature (example: cabbage patch dolls prevent pregnancy) you look around and see the hundreds of serious nodding heads, you begin to question your own lack of rational is the kind of conditioning you receive under a totalistic IBLP. I have a friend who was employed by IBLP for several years. One day he and his wife were told by Bill Gothard that he was impressed by God that he will live until he’s about 120 years old. My friend laughed at the suggestion and was fired immediately.

I’ve heard a label for Bill’s gripping influence on people: the “power of persona”. Mr. Gothard presents himself really well. He appears sincere, humble, gracious, wise, and compassionate. His presentation and the atmosphere that follows him makes it very difficult to identify and point out the heresy.

---COURTSHIP---COURTSHIP---COURTSHIP---COURTSHIP---

In continuation with Bill Gothard’s step-by-step systematic way to live, there’s the subject of courtship. The term “courtship” comes from the days of old when a man “courted” a woman instead of “dating” her or “going out” with her. Mere terminology. In recent years, “courtship” refers to more of a potentially supervised relationship in preparation for marriage. Bill Gothard’s brand of courtship is intricately linked to his teaching of authoritarian parenting and systematic, mechanistic prescriptions for life. According to Mr. G, each area of life is governed by a military-like chain of command. Therefore, why should dating/courtship be any different? Marriage would surely be under attack if not gone into via Mr. G’s design.

Mr. Gothard is so caught up in his “umbrella of protection” concept that he can’t see reality. He has no idea how REAL families operate. Not Beaver Cleaver families. Not Stepford families. But REAL families. He claims that “Satan cannot get through to some sons and daughters unless there is a leak in the father’s umbrella”. He teaches a philosophy that as long as sons and daughters abide by the demands of the father, their lives will be successful. In his seminars, Bill teaches that if a father/husband’s authority is not properly recognized, then all else will fall apart. If the wife fails to submit to her husband, her children will be rebellious. The success and failure of the family hinges on how everyone in the line of command responds to the father. It really gripes me that Bill refuses to see the countless families under his influence who were falling apart due to power hungry, authoritarian parents and not because of rebellious children. Will he ever wake up and see that the huge generation of parents who were drawn to ATIA were attracted to it because it fed their hunger for self-centered control in the name of religiosity? And so now with his “courtship” development, he’s giving parents continued propaganda about the biblical standard for leading their children to marriage. Every control-obsessed parent’s dream!!!

Genesis 6:5: God saw that “very intent of the thoughts of [man’s] heart was only evil continually.” Gothard teaches that these thoughts were cultivated by dating which was common in that society. Again, extra-biblical teaching. Twisting God’s Word to fit his own agenda. Heresy. Bill uses Solomon, David, and Samson as object lessons as to why it is wrong to choose our own life partner. He neglects to point out that because they chose WRONG, they were wrong. Instead, he lead his followers to believe that it is wrong to choose. Period. Again, let’s strike the free will God gave us.

Proverbs 6:20-21: “My son, keep thy father’s commandment, and forsake not the law of thy mother; Bind them continually upon thine heart, and tie them about thy neck.” Gothard says this passage doesn’t mention ungodly or abusive parents, so there is no exception allowed. Bill ignores that this passage is referring to the commands and laws of Moses and claims that it refers clearly to submitting fully to the wishes of the parents in every area of life at every age of until the day of the marriage. Bill is so stuck on creating mechanical outlines for every area of life that he continues, even here, to twist Scripture for his purpose. This is actually a very simple task for him due to the fact that arranged marriages were common among the Jewish culture, thus lending lots of “Biblical examples”. Newsflash, Mr. Gothard: a Jewish story in the Bible does not equal a Biblical mandate!

(you might find this interesting: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qYxHsbi1lqA&feature=related)

Back to the pendulum swing again: scared parents. Perverse society. Huge divorce rate. Then a hero emerges on the scene and provides promising answers.

---CONCLUSION---CONCLUSION---CONCLUSION---CONCLUSION---

I began my relationship with God while under Bill Gothard’s teaching. And like I stated earlier, for a time, I ignored the small little seemingly “non-issues” that I found disagreement with. My thinking was "awe, let's not throw out the baby with the bathwater." But Bill Gothard is someone who condones authoritarian parenting, replacing God with self, child abuse, creating choices as non-optional principles by twisting Scripture, and redefines grace erroneously. Therefore, I have been compelled to take a step back and rethink: “This bathwater is so dirtied by extraBiblical teaching that the baby needs to be found elsewhere.”



http://www.internetmonk.com/archive/whatever-happened-to-bill-gothard

So, is IBLP/ATI a cult? What do you think?: http://www.csj.org/infoserv_cult101/checklis.htm.

another great read: http://www.widewhite.org/2010/09/cult-of-quiverfull-ati-vision-forum/

Making My Dash Count. Living On Purpose.

On every headstone is the engraving of two sets of 4-digit numbers separated by a hyphen that will one day rest at the end of each of our names. That little dash between the dates of our birth and the dates of our death is the same dash that separates humanity’s powerful lives from its ordinary. It’s easy to sit back and coast through this journey, allowing mediocrity to make its home in our dash. To kind-of ride on the coattails of others. Afterall, we are surrounded by plenty of people who are generous, kind, and live their lives out loud. So why shouldn’t I just settle for sitting in my comfy little self-centered life? In the past two and a half years, I’ve attended the funerals of four extraordinary individuals.

My Grandpa Reed… his name was Russ. Russell Max died in May, 2008. Grandpa was a hard-working, generous, jovial man who left no doubt of his love for his friends and family. When I smell cigars I am left with cozy memories of him. =) He was my grandpa, so I already knew what a wonderful person he was, but when I attended his memorial service, my eyes were opened to what a huge impact his single life had on the people he was in contact with.

My Grandma Dye… her name was Jean. Lola Jean died in March, 2009. Grandma was such a lady. Even as she lay in pain, dying, she indicated several times how important it was to her that my grandpa was dressed properly for her funeral. She spelled out what she wanted him to wear. She gave details on what she, herself, wanted to be buried in, and she asked that special care would be given in picking out her casket so that it would match her dress just right. One of the last things I heard from her was, “Yes… I’m going out in style!” My grandma’s dash is a beautiful one. She lived a life of beauty and service to others. Not only was she a lovely woman on the outside. She was also a beautiful woman on the inside. Grandma was very generous. Selfless. She opened her home to all kinds of people: orphans, troubled teenagers and missionaries.

My mother-in-law… her name was DeeDee. Diana McKinney died in June, 2010. DeeDee was a generous woman. She would give her last penny to help someone in need. She literally kept herself poor by giving to others. DeeDee lived a life of sacrifice for my children (her grandchildren) too… She worked difficult shifts and long hours and still managed to squeeze in lots of time to make memories with Emily, Reed, and Nelson ~at the cost, even, of losing sleep for the day.

My Grandma Reed... Her name was Shirley. Shirley Lois died in December, 2010. I will never forget the phrase my grandma repeated time and time again when I was a little girl: “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” ~A line from the Bambi story. And a wise piece of advice! Something else I heard her say often was, “Well, at least when I’m gone, you’ll know I tried.” This sentence played into many contexts but ultimately, I knew what she meant: “Please know that I did what I knew was right.”

Those were 4 extraordinary people who had lived their lives on purpose, touching hundreds of people along their journey, making their dash count. So, I wonder if that dash between the dates of my existence will just be a plain old hyphen or will it symbolize a lifetime of significance to others? Will the dates on my headstone promote memories of selflessness, laughter, generosity and friendships? Will my dash serve as evidence that I one day made a choice to not settle for mediocrity? Am I leaving a legacy of purpose to my children and this little corner of earth around me? Or will that inscription just be another set of dates divided by a hyphen… a mere notification of existence?

I personally don’t want to ride on the coat-tails of others. I don’t want to mooch off of the energy of others. I want my life to count for more than self-seeking gain and self-interested profit. I don’t want that dash between my date of birth and my date of death to serve as an insignificant symbol between two insignificant dates.

Donna Jean (Reed) Moore

1973-20??

That dash can be a powerful significance, limited only by the two dates that surround it. So here I start… living on purpose… living out loud… to make my dash count.

Grandma Dye

Grandpa and Grandma Reed

DeeDee

Project Proverbs

Our church blogged through Proverbs last month. http://www.southpointe-church.org/#/southpointe-blog/proverbs. I was assigned several chapters. I’ll copy my journaling here:

PROVERBS 6

The really neat thing about this book is there are so many “proverbs” of truth on each page. Chapter 6, in itself, is divided up into 4 parts. When I first read over this chapter, my thought was “Hmmm… I wonder which portion is the one that will speak to me the most for the purpose of journaling this week? The first element on keeping our promises? Or, the second part on laziness? What about that third section where it talks about the wicked man. The guy full of pride who, in the end, finally receives his punishment? Or, what about the last segment on adultery? Now THERE’S an attention grabber!”

But as I actually studied, it dawned on me that there is a reoccurring truth shouting at us throughout the entire chapter… Overall, Proverbs 6 reminds me to be a woman of CONSISTENT, GENUINE, HONEST, RELIABLE, AUTHENTIC, DEPENDABLE, ORGANIC, SINCERE INTEGRITY.

>>> "If you have shaken hands in pledge for a stranger, you are snared by the words of your mouth.” (verses 1 and 2) Normally when we hear a message on this portion, an emphasis is made on borrowing money. But the truth is that every promise we make with another person is binding. Our follow-through will measure our level of integrity.

CONSISTENT, GENUINE, HONEST, RELIABLE, AUTHENTIC, DEPENDABLE, ORGANIC, SINCERE INTEGRITY.

>>>Go to the ant, you sluggard. Consider her ways and be wise, which, having no captain, overseer or ruler, provides her supplies…” (verses 6 through 8) The popular emphasis here is usually on laziness and working hard for your living. But digging deeper, the underlying quality being highlighted is still consistent, sincere integrity. “Having no captain, overseer or ruler” I looked up ANT BEHAVIOR on a couple different encyclopedia sites. It was interesting to learn a little about their social structure. One site stated that “A family of ants employs queens, gardeners and bandits that have developed specialized tools and skills to get their respective jobs done. Within each species, division of labor varies depending on an individual's age and sex… Ants looking after the brood and working inside the nest tend to be younger, while those defending the nest and foraging outside are older. Like all the social species of the insect order Hymenoptera, female ants do all of the work; males just spread their genes around… ‘Males are little flying sperm missiles,’ said Alex Wild, an entomologist at the University of Arizona.” I had to add that last bit in because even though I’m off topic here, I found that piece of information absolutely hysterical and not much different that that of the human species. (Just joking.) =) Anyway… We are told to take a look at the industrious nature of this little bug and take note that even though there is not a boss to watch their every move, they continue to be industrious creatures. That’s integrity. Sincere, honest, authentic integrity. I recently read this on a relationships solutions blog: “Integrity is about honor and consistency. It's about what you do when no one is looking.” Good stuff.

CONSISTENT, GENUINE, HONEST, RELIABLE, AUTHENTIC, DEPENDABLE, ORGANIC, SINCERE INTEGRITY.

>>> "He winks with his eyes, he shuffles his feet, he points with his fingers; perversity is in his heart.” (verses 13 and 14) I found that the amplified versions magnifies the text like this: “He winks with his eyes, he speaks by shuffling or tapping with his feet, he makes signs [to mislead and deceive] and teaches with his fingers. Willful and contrary in his heart…” I think for the most part, people can see through our religious facade to the person that we really are. Casting Crowns has a song that asks: “Are we happy plastic people. Under shiny plastic steeples. With walls around our weakness?” But according to Proverbs, this “stained-glass masquerade” can’t continue forever. Verse 15 tells us that this man who hides wickedness in his heart will be broken. The masquerade crushed. The hidden ugliness is eventually revealed. So what does God require? Perfection? Thankfully, no.

But He does ask for CONSISTENT, GENUINE, HONEST, RELIABLE, AUTHENTIC, DEPENDABLE, ORGANIC, SINCERE INTEGRITY.

>>> “For the commandment is a lamp, and the law a light. Reproofs of instruction are the way of life.” (verses 23 and 24) The rest of the chapter speaks on walking in purity. Plain and simple, if we are living our lives according to the Light of what God has to say through the Bible, we have the power to avoid the temptations that surround us. Walking in purity is not a religious act. It is not simply playing the part of a devoted wife or a faithful husband. Purity is being real. Honest. Sincerely working out -day by day- my life according to what God has to say on each issue, temptation, idea, philosophy, thought, question, and obstacle I face. Sincerity. No pretenses. The genuine “me”. That’s the “me” that matters. The “me” with no masks. No façade of religious behavior. Just me. Who I am when no one is watching.

CONSISTENT, GENUINE, HONEST, RELIABLE, AUTHENTIC, DEPENDABLE, ORGANIC, SINCERE INTEGRITY. That’s Proverbs 6 in a nutshell. Or at least, that’s what I got out of it.

PROVERBS 13

This chapter is full of verses on the advantages of listening to wisdom and making wise choices. (4) “The soul of a lazy man desires, and has nothing. But the soul of the diligent shall be made rich... (9) The light of the righteous rejoices, But the lamp of the wicked will be put out... (10) By pride comes nothing but strife, but with the well-advised is wisdom.... (13) He who despises the word will be destroyed, But he who fears the commandment will be rewarded. (14) The law of the wise is a fountain of life, To turn one away from the snares of death. (15) Good understanding gains favor, But the way of the unfaithful is hard..."

This goes along with the Bible lesson I’m working on for our SouthPointe Kids preschool group. Once upon a time, there were a group of fishermen who were told by Jesus to cast their nets in a certain way. And though they were professionals, they obeyed Jesus’ counsel and received a BOATLOAD of reward. Their nets were jam-packed full of fish! =)

And so it is in our present-day lives. According to Proverbs, as I follow the wisdom that God has laid out for me in His Word, my soul will be rewarded with overwhelming richness. We all know that it’s not money that makes us happy. It’s the pleasure that sits in our very souls. It’s our soul’s satisfied longings. It’s the feeling of fulfillment of purpose. Proverbs is filled with wise advice. It will do me well to learn from it, live by it, and love it. For the health and enrichment of my soul.

PROVERBS 20

Do you ever find yourself almost mirroring the very thing that you hate? I know that’s a cliché, but it is true. We can become what we despise …if not dealt with or responded to properly.

There is one thing in particular that I seriously loathe. (Get ready... A secret ugliness from my heart is about to be revealed.) I hate hypercritical behavior, attitudes, and comments. I gew up in a fundamental, religious environment where people would pass judgment on individuals who did not attend a church with just “the right” name, read “the right” Bible translation, listen to “the right” kind of music, send their children to “the right” kind of schools, or dress “like a Christian”. This behavior hurt me deeply. And I saw it hurt many others by either turning them away from God completely or, on the flipside, by presenting them with a false sense of Christ-acceptance.

I’m grateful to Jesus for rescuing me from that. I’m still learning that I’m not required to jump through man-made religious hoops in order to be completely received by Him (or church leaders). And it is SO FREEING!  But herein lies my secret… The unattractive issue being exposed from the corners of my heart: The very thing I hate is the exact behavior I have gradually and covertly adopted. The slimy pit of self-righteousness that He pulled me out of is there once again, calling my name. I’ve got to stop this already! Because look at what I found in Proverbs this week… *** Proverbs 20:6-9 (NKJV) Most men will proclaim each his own goodness, But who can find a faithful man? The righteous man walks in his integrity; His children are blessed after him. Who can say, “I have made my heart clean, I am pure from my sin”? ***

I usually would think of this passage as a warning against self-righteous boasting. But what really hit me this week is the ugly thing that has burrowed its way into the secret places of my heart. An “I’m-angered-because-that-person-is-so-judgmental” reaction is an ugly attitude of superiority. The Amplified translation illustrates verse 6 like this: “Many a man proclaims his own loving-kindness and goodness, but a faithful man who can find?” What benefit is it for a person to think they are good for being good? How righteous is it for me to think, “I am more right than the next guy, so I’m a better person”? Of course I wouldn’t say these things out loud! I wouldn’t boast this attitude publicly. But the self-righteous thoughts have made their way into the secret places of my heart. Maybe no one else has been able to see it. Maybe it’s not been as obvious as it is with the religious groups standing outside the abortion clinics and pride marches. Or maybe it IS just as obvious. Maybe it has accidentally trickled through my conversations, giving this unattractive secret sin away to. But it doesn’t matter, really. God has seen it. And I’m ashamed. And repentant.

PROVERBS 27

There are a couple of significant verses on friendship in this chapter, but I’d like to focus on verse 17: “As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.”

To begin with, I wondered about the word “countenance” and after doing some reading, it dawned on me that this word refers to the face. You can often see a person’s personality and intellectual level exhibited in their face. So according to this passage, as iron is sharpened by iron, we are filed, made smooth, bright, and wise by open and honest friendships.

We are each, in our varying walks of life, surrounded by an array of superficial friendships. And there is nothing wrong with that. The fair-weather friend who’s there to communicate with about our hobbies, jobs, favorite recipes, and children. But it is essential to our health and maturity that we surround ourselves, too, by good people who we can feel free to open our lives up to for honest, loving criticism. Imagine a man who has never allowed himself to be vulnerable enough to be sharpened by another. Until he is able to allow some sharpening, he will remain the same person with the same character with the same annoying faults and the same perspective on life.

God has blessed me by surrounding me with fantastic friends who have so much to offer! I could really use some sharpening from time to time. Well, daily to be honest! I hope that I allow my friends the freedom to be honest with me and to love me enough to sharpen me in the areas where my life, my character, my perspective and my personality might become a little dull.

“As iron sharpens iron.” Just like the rest of the beautiful book of Proverbs… A simple analogy exploding with truth.

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Keeping Centered

Proverbs 11:1-3 "Dishonest scales are an abomination to the LORD, But a just weight is His delight. When pride comes, then comes shame; But with the humble is wisdom. The integrity of the upright will guide them, But the perversity of the unfaithful will destroy them."

Amplified Bible: “A FALSE balance and unrighteous dealings are extremely offensive and shamefully sinful to the Lord, but a just weight is His delight. When swelling and pride come, then emptiness and shame come also, but with the humble (those who are lowly, who have been pruned or chiseled by trial, and renounce self) are skillful and godly Wisdom and soundness. The integrity of the upright shall guide them, but the willful contrariness and crookedness of the treacherous shall destroy them.”

Titus 1:1-16 Paul, a bondservant of God and an apostle of Jesus Christ, according to the faith of God’s elect and the acknowledgment of the truth which accords with godliness, in hope of eternal life which God, who cannot lie, promised before time began, but has in due time manifested His word through preaching, which was committed to me according to the commandment of God our Savior; To Titus, a true son in our common faith: Grace, mercy, and peace from God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ our Savior. For this reason I left you in Crete, that you should set in order the things that are lacking, and appoint elders in every city as I commanded you—  if a man is blameless, the husband of one wife, having faithful children not accused of dissipation or insubordination.  For a bishop must be blameless, as a steward of God, not self-willed, not quick-tempered, not given to wine, not violent, not greedy for money, but hospitable, a lover of what is good, sober-minded, just, holy, self-controlled, holding fast the faithful word as he has been taught, that he may be able, by sound doctrine, both to exhort and convict those who contradict. For there are many insubordinate, both idle talkers and deceivers, especially those of the circumcision,  whose mouths must be stopped, who subvert whole households, teaching things which they ought not, for the sake of dishonest gain.  One of them, a prophet of their own, said, “Cretans are always liars, evil beasts, lazy gluttons.”  This testimony is true. Therefore rebuke them sharply, that they may be sound in the faith,  not giving heed to Jewish fables and commandments of men who turn from the truth.  To the pure all things are pure, but to those who are defiled and unbelieving nothing is pure; but even their mind and conscience are defiled. They profess to know God, but in works they deny Him, being abominable, disobedient, and disqualified for every good work.

The book of Titus was written to the people of Crete who were known to be off balance on one side or the other. This is a glaring problem in the church today as well. Maybe it has been like this throughout all of history? Godly leadership is not an accreditation or based on an achievement, but on godly character qualities and being submitted to Jesus as is indicated in this passage. Imagine with me three circles...

The center circle is where we need to stand. That is the circle of Christ-centeredness. On the left is the circle of the self-indulgent. This is the circle where people stand and claim faith but live like “anything goes” and any belief, standard, or lifestyle is acceptable. On the right is the circle of the self-righteous. They are critical, judgmental, mean-spirited, off-balance… (picketers, etc) condemning PEOPLE instead of the sin. To be Christ-centered –standing in that central circle is almost like standing in the middle of a teeter-totter. It’s easy to let it sway to the left or to the right. It takes constant effort and a continual shaping of our muscle coordination to keep completely balanced. The problem is that when we sway completely to the left, we are in danger of thinking we are okay in our relationship with Jesus. And when we sway to the right, we are confident in our standing with Jesus as well. Dangerous. Very dangerous. And the world sees this. When we are not Christ-centered, it permeates in our conversation and displays itself in how we love others. On the right, people only see judgment. On the left, people only see a complete lack of conviction towards righteousness. One is not more wrong than the other. Both outer circles are wrong. Neither shows Jesus. But sometimes we are so blinded by ourselves that we can’t see how wrong we are in our little self-circles.

So back to godly leadership... according to God's Word, there is no accreditation basis or achievement requirement. We are simply asked to submit to Jesus, be balanced in our behavior and in our belief so that He can work. To keep us in shape, God has given us some health-maintenance requirements so to speak: (1.) be disciplined. Take time to consistently seek God through his word and communicate with Him. (2.) Be yielded. Surrender daily. Be a filled vessel. Know that if I am empty, the wrong things will dump into me, spilling into the lives of those around me. But on the other side of it, if I am filled with my own self-righteousness, there is no room for Jesus to spill out of me, touching others. It will be all me. Critical, mean, nasty me. (3.) Commit to faithfulness in [a] the Bible and [b] in loving others. This is like an exercise routine. A routine for life. A routine which will keep me in shape so that on that teeter-totter of Christ-centeredness, I won’t sway to the left or to the right. Christ-centeredness. True Christianity.

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by Derek Webb:

They’ll know us by the t-shirts that we wear

They’ll know us by the way we point and stare

At anyone whose sin looks worse than ours

Who cannot hide the scars of this curse that we all bare

They’ll know us by our picket lines and signs

They’ll know us by the pride we hide behind

Like anyone on earth is living right

And isn’t that why Jesus died

Not to make us think we’re right 

When love, love, love

Is what we should be known for

Love, love, love

It’s the how and it’s the why

We live and breathe and we die

They’ll know us by reasons we divide

And how we can’t seem to unify

Because we’ve gotta sing songs a certain style

Or we’ll walk right down that aisle

And just leave ‘em all behind

They’ll know us by the billboards that we make

Just turning God’s words to cheap clichés

Says “what part of murder don’t you understand?”

But we hate our fellow man

And point a finger at his grave

They’ll know us by the t-shirts that we wear

They’ll know us by the way we point and stare

Telling ‘em their sins are worse than ours

Thinking we can hide our scars

Beneath these t-shirts that we wear

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"We are told to let our light shine, and if it does, we won't need to tell anybody it does. Lighthouses don't fire cannons to call attention to their shining- they just shine."
- D. L. Moody

Like falling in love

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PUykOG0xhEk&feature=related

Give me rules

I will break them

Give me lines

I will cross them

I need more than a truth to believe

I need a truth that lives, moves, and breathes

To sweep me off my feet

It ought to be

More like falling in love

Than something to believe in

More like losing my heart

Than giving my allegiance

Caught up, called out

Come take a look at me now

It’s like I’m falling, oh

It’s like I’m falling in love

Give me words

I’ll misuse them

Obligations

I’ll misplace them

‘Cause all religion ever made of me

Was just a sinner with a stone tied to my feet

It never set me free

It’s gotta be

…It’s like I’m falling in love, love, love

Deeper and deeper

It was love that made

Me a believer

In more than a name, a faith, a creed

Falling in love with Jesus brought the change in me

~Jason Gray

Love For Real.

So I recently heard a message on Jesus and the Samaritan woman for possibly the hundredth time in my life. But this time, it was like I had never heard the clear, true message of true Christianity from John 4 before. Well, maybe I hadn’t.

It appears that there are about 6 types of Christians who must truly grieve the heart of Jesus, while also damaging His reputation:

1. The IN-YOUR-FACE guy (“You’re going to hell if you don’t repent!” He’s got bumper stickers all over his car shouting repentance and you’ll find him picketing gay pride events and abortion clinics.)

2. The GUILT-YOU-TO-CHURCH guy (“you need to be in church for your children’s sake.”)

3. The ARGUMENTATIVE guy. (He is driven to debate with you in order to prove to you that he is right. He uses Scripture and experience [and uses them well!] to show you the error of your ways. And mostly, to show you how right he is.)

4. The NOTCH-IN-HIS-BELT guy. (He is driven by an agenda. Wants to see sudden repentance so that a testimony can be built and you can be added to his list of conquests.)

5. The JESUS-SALESMAN guy. (He would see “leading a person to accept the Lord” on a first encounter as an expected course of “soul-winning”. Door-to-door knocking, street preaching, etc.)

6. The DON’T-WANT-TO-OFFEND-ANYONE guy. (This guy is almost as offensive as the 5 characters above.)



Rules of Engagement:

Taking a look at how Jesus communicated with the woman at the well in Samaria, it’s clear to see the perfect pattern of loving socialization we can learn from. (JOHN 4)

He was deliberate. He took advantage of divine appointment. He looked at the encounter with this woman as no mere happenstance but as an organic encounter. An opportunity to establish a relationship ON PURPOSE. He was real. There is a fine line between and organic encounter and an arranged agenda (being able to mark a project [or person] off your list).

Friendship first. Jesus didn’t confront her. He built a relationship with her. (He asked for a drink.) Gentleness is the opposite of abuse, ostracism, isolation, judgment… which is the style of today’s fundamentalist movement. This is too common. This judgment is not the real Jesus. But another Jesus.

To have a spiritual conversation with someone, I need to EARN the right. We need to understand that what can take a lifetime to make may only take a moment to break. Many of us were brought up with the motivation to grab people’s attention with a good object lesson and then ask them to repeat the sinner’s prayer. This is an all-too-common misunderstanding of the discipleship process. In most cases, the person who prays “the sinner’s prayer of repentance” in a one-time conversation is going to experience “buyers remorse”. Much like buying those cool knives that was demonstrated to cut through a penny. “Why do I need 30 knives anyway?... I’m not going to be cutting through any pennies!... Why did I just spend all that money on cutlery?!... I’m not REALLY interested in that kind of commitment!... It just seemed so cool at the time!” The emotional crave for Jesus will be gone in no time. A true bridge to God through Jesus was not really cultivated. That broken relationship was never truly and genuinely restored.

Making spiritual assessments. Trying to figure out where someone is. This is not judgment but an assessment (discerning) of where the person is on their spiritual journey. Are they seeking? Or think they are indifferent? (We must remember that indifference is still an actual part of some individual’s spiritual journey) Or maybe they are just figuring out what a relationship with God is going to take. A spiritual assessment will help as we come to understand what barriers might be keeping them from proceeding forward toward living missionally. (Examples of barriers: painful church experiences, addictions, lack of knowledge of our sinful nature or even lack of understanding God’s loving forgiveness,…)

Practice the process. Know that a relationship with Jesus is not a one-time decision, but it’s about their process. Their growth toward the end of their spiritual journey. Recognize it’s not a notch in your belt.

A key to this whole thing seems to be I Corinthians 3:1-8.We need to wrap our minds around the fact that we are simply God’s hands and feet. We are not the sinner’s savior. God doesn’t NEED us to save the world. We are the body of Christ given an opportunity to take part in loving people toward Him.

I wonder if there were God-believers in Jesus’ day who thought He wasn’t critical enough. He wasn’t judgmental enough. He didn’t scorn the sinner enough. Jesus rubbed elbows with people who lived unrighteous rather than “kicking them out of the family” or “removing them from communication”. Yes, I think there were those groups of people in that day. If I remember my Bible history accurately, these people were called Pharisees. I don’t know… just my thoughts. A little glimpse of the view from my personal little, finger-print covered window.

Perspective.

For much of my life I’ve been searching for the key to true Christianity. I knew it couldn’t be what I’d observed for so many years. I was sure there must be more to it. When I cringed by seeing loved-ones affected by judgment, I was called a liberal. When I was hurt by seeing pious rejection, I was called wishy-washy. When I wanted no part of self-righteous rebuke, I was accused of having loose morals. The teaching was to “see things from God’s pint of view”. An assignment I remember so well as a teenager (by a popular Christian leader) was to go to the mall and watch the people passing by. Look at their faces. Look at their clothing. Look at their mannerisms and make assessments about their situation in life. We were taught to judge. To see these people from “God’s point of view”.


Brandon Heath sings a song called “Give Me Your Eyes”. Here are some of the lyrics: “All those people going somewhere.

Why have I never cared?
Give me your eyes for just one second.
Give me your eyes so I can see,
Everything that I keep missing.
Give me your love for humanity.
Give me your arms for the broken hearted,
The ones that are far beyond my reach.
Give me you heart for the ones forgotten.
Give me your eyes so I can see…”

Man-o-man… what a stark contrast to the “fundamental”-group mindset.

Hope. Desire. Trees. And Riches.

Proverbs 13:6,12: Righteousness keeps him that is upright in the way: but wickedness overthrows the sinner… Hope deferred makes the heart sick: but when the desire comes, it is a tree of life. I think a reoccurring thread throughout out Proverbs is that, as I continue to please God in my journey, He will order things to fall into place for my good. I can SO identify with verse 12. How many times in my life have I thought I could see the light at the end of the tunnel but then it ends up being a dead-end instead? Talk about stomach-churning heart-break. I think back to being a teenager and having my heart broken over a boyfriend and realize that as an adult, that heart-sick feeling comes back again and again when it comes to other relationships, job situations, family struggles, and… well, just plain life circumstances. My prayer today is really just begging God to see my desire. For the most part, it’s not even something that can be put into words. But it’s there and He gets it. And so I’m pleading with Him for some kind of resolution. Some kind of fulfillment. My heart is sick over the feeling of hopelessness. The feeling that my desire is unheard and uncared for. When the desire comes, it is a tree of life. I look forward to that.

Verse 7: There is that maketh himself rich, yet hath nothing: there is that maketh himself poor, yet hath great riches. This was confusing to me! I usually love to read the King James Version. I think it’s so beautiful. But I do struggle with the wording from time to time. =) I had to look it up in about 7 translations and then in a commentary. Matthew Henry’s commentary on this verse was: “Some who are really poor, trade and spend as if they were rich: this is sin, and will be shame, and it will end accordingly. Some that are really rich, would be thought to be poor: in this there is want of gratitude to God, want of justice and charity to others. There are many hypocrites, empty of grace, who will not be convinced of their poverty. There are many fearing Christians, who are spiritually rich, yet think themselves poor; by their doubts, and complaints, and griefs, they make themselves poor.” I can see that my perspective of my condition will lead me to success or failure. My outlook on my circumstances actually leads me to riches or poverty. Perspective has so much to do with it. I don’t mean that if I think it, it will happen. What I mean is that my situation is only as bad as I choose to view it. There, that makes more sense.

Honesty. Integrity. And a Crown.

I haven’t had the time to put this in writing until now, but on Monday as I read Proverbs 11, the truth that shone brightest to me is that God delights in honesty. Here I stand at a personal crossroads. And my crossroads is not a matter of decision-making. But rather, it’s a matter of the doors of my own desire being closed. The closed doors are breaking my heart. I want to use manipulation and tantrums to create my own way, but I know that if I can just manage to practice patient faith, God will open doors and windows in His own perfect time. Woven throughout the fabric of Proverbs 11, I’m seeing that honesty and integrity… right living… will lead to success. Manipulation and anger ultimately leads to failure.

Yesterday I dove into Proverbs 12…

A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband –verse 4. I sure don’t feel virtuous. I left my children to go to back to work. Albeit against my will, I have disarranged God’s natural order of a mommy being home with her small children. So this is one, I guess, that I have to wrap my head around. My prayer this week has been: “God, teach me how to be virtuous in this time in history. When Proverbs was written, the picture of a virtuous woman was painted as the lady hanging clothes on the line while her children ran around playing in the field. After that, she scrubbed the floors, baked bread, and taught her children Hebrew. Teach me to make this relevant to now. My present day. My 2010.” A crown to my husband. Sounds like the writer’s term for a trophy wife. Lol. I get it though. I need to work on being the kind of woman my husband is happy to have around. What husband feels rewarded when he is forced to put up with a bitchy wife? There is another verse in this same book which teaches that a screeching, nagging woman should be put in the attic. Lol. I hope he wouldn’t rather put me in the attic, but not only that... I want him to be pleased. Excited. And proud to have me around.

Verse 16 states that A fool's wrath is presently known: but a prudent man covers shame. I thought this was so interesting. I read Matthew Henry’s commentary on it which explains that “It is kindness to ourselves to make light of injuries and affronts, instead of making the worst of them.” I love this. It annoys me to no end to hear someone talk about an incident, exaggerating the details to make themselves appear the martyr. Lol. It must annoy God too.

But on a more serious note, I wonder how my grumblings look to my Creator. He loved me even before I was conceived. He has been with me for every moment of 37 years. He knows about every situation in which my heart was broken. He knows about every little inconvenience that has come into my life. He knows about every single blessing that has shaped who I am. And I am sure that when I complain, He must be thinking, “Really? She thinks THAT is so bad?!” This morning, I was in a hurry and had no time for coffee. It felt like a terrible start to my morning. Even my facebook status was “I’m in a bad mood today” and I blamed it on my lack of coffee. God must be laughing or He may even be disgusted with me. Then I hear about the earthquake in Haiti and my heart breaks. How can I think I have any room to complain?

My destination is sure though my journey remains uncertain.

So, I’ve taken on a new challenge. After watching “Julie and Julia” on Saturday and then sitting in church on Sunday, a challenge was laid on my heart to begin a new venture. I’m at a crossroads in my life that leaves me in a combination of brokenness and confusion. I’m not entirely sure what is next but I have to believe that God’s in this thing and He has it all worked out ahead of time. I’m so nearsighted that I can’t possibly imagine what’s down His sleeve, but I know it must be in my best interest.

My personal challenge is to tackle God's Word's relevance to life with fresh eyes …the eyes of a brand-new, needy, thirsty, eager, 30-something wife and mother. And for personal growth and accountability, I’ll use this blog to journal my findings. For my sake alone. I don’t know if this will ever be read. I don’t know why anyone would want to read it. But it’s here. And it’s honest. It’s straightforward. Nothing flowery. No pretenses. I’m just on a mission to figure out this thing called life.

And so begins the view from my window. My somewhat skewed view. The musings of an ordinary heart on an ordinary journey toward an extraordinary end.